Happy New Year deceived browsers

Posted on January 5, 2011

2011 is upon us, and this tends to be a contemplative time, where we reflect on the year now passed and what it hath wrought.  Wordpress assisted me in the matter by sending me a summary of usage statistics for this very blog.  Most of it:  pretty boring.  However, there is one funny bit…  the site keeps track of the search terms that brought people here, and there are some truly weird ones, made all the weirder by the fact that I can see why the Google would think of me.  Here, then, is an exciting sampling of things people searched in order to arrive here.

  • Jeremy Latta.  Shocking, I realize.
  • Barkley Pollock.  43 visits!  Not bad.  I am very influential.
  • Goth guy.  19 visits.  I love this.  I’m sure they’re very appreciative.  I bet the guy who recently commented indignantly swans are “entertainment”? on the Thor post is one of these people.  Whoa.  I got served.
  • Secret club.  2 visits.  Huh?  Did they wind up joining?  Would I know if they had?
  • Cupping Guantanamo.  2 visits.  I don’t want to know.
  • Elderly shoplifter.  Accurate.
  • Baby monkey goggles.  Really?!  What could that even mean?
  • Why does Chinatown suck in Ottawa? It doesn’t.  You’ve confused it with you, who does indeed suck.
  • Pervert in Chinatown Ottawa.  Maybe that’s what the guy above was looking for.  Fair enough.  Nice that my name is associated with this.
  • Horrible hickeys.  Likewise.
  • Jesikah Maximus.  Sounds like some kind of scholar or maybe an auditor to me.  From the internet:  “her entire physical package can NEVER, EVER be held libel for false advertisement or embellishment of fact”.  So there!  I have no idea what she has to do with me.
  • Collecting baby pants.  Hell yeah!  I’m not alone!
  • Baby monkeys wearing clothes.  Accurate.
  • Thor shirtless pics.  Accurate.
  • Latta girls f*****g.  I’m not kidding.  Seriously people of the world, why are you doing this?  Leave the Latta girls alone.  I assume you’re talking about my mom and elderly grandmother?  Knock it off, freaks.

In short I seem to be slipping away from staid respectability toward a corner of the internet full of clothed monkeys, unclothed Norse gods, and perverts.  This is a bit of a wake up call.  I need to make some changes in my life.  Fast.

Posted in: The Obscure