Strange mascots and packaging

Posted on February 6, 2011

Hi there, and welcome back to another edition of some weird things I’ve come across…  First up!  As everyone who knows me can testify, I love mascots.  Love them.  Respect them.  The works.  But I have never been able to understand mascots who would in fact be murdered by the entities they represent.  I’m talking about animal mascots for food companies or restaurants who deal in meat.  What kind of customers are these joints courting if their proposition is:  “hey, here’s a cuddly, fun loving cow that you’d like to hang out with.  Come visit our steakhouse and eat it”   ?     From this file here is a very strange mural from a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet in Napanee.  My no good brother somehow convinced me that KFC was at least better than other crap food places, so why not?  Uh…  no.

Helm, plot a course to the Abattoir system.

Doesn’t this stupid chicken realize that the kids are just pretending to be its friend so that they can kill it, fry it, and eat it?  But!  Ha ha, fast forward a year or two and the joke’s on them…

Heart disease is the chicken's delicious revenge

Writing this blog has spurred me to new heights, like googling and sorting through pictures of obese children.  NOTE:  my brother is a liar, because KFC is (who knew?) awful.  I hadn’t been in 15 years.  I won’t ever return.

Next up we have a very excellent product that will most surely pump you up to Ultimate Warrior-like degrees of ring intensity.  Behold:

Excellent dates!

Here we have a box of dates.  Did you know that they would turn you into a muscle bound adonis?  I bet not!  Yes folks, here we have “Mr. Power” dates.  Making them extra weird is the fact that they are a product of everyone’s favourite Islamic Republic:  Iran.  In spite of the Persian writing and palm tree, they have obviously tried to make the thing appeal to an American audience by also inserting a blue star (and there are red stripes on the side of the box too).  I also like the fact that their mascot character appears to have been drawn by a twelve year old.

And last he have something awesome from Toronto, courtesy of my man Dirty Dave:

Burger time

Every Burger!  Please friends enjoy to have a burger!  Are these hamburgers?  Oh no!  These are actually tiny little burger cookies, with actual sesame seeds, little chocolate patties, and something that is supposed to be cheese.  Packaging like this makes me really wonder, though, who is this targeted at?  The only English words are the name of the product (which also makes no real sense), and everything else is in Japanese.  So if you only speak English you have no idea what it is.  If you only speak Japanese you have no idea what it’s called.  Could you imagine seeing this in the supermarket?

Delcious Rooster Bites

And I should add, Every Burger cookies are pretty good.  Rooster Bites, on the other hand?  I don’t know…

Posted in: The Obscure