Old People Need To Stay Safe. Really, Really Safe.

Posted on September 2, 2012

My parents recently attended the Ontario Geriatric Olympics.  For real!  Okay the name isn’t real, but there is actually an annual sporting spectacular just for old people, with winners earning the privilege to go on and do battle at the Canada Old People Games.  I’m not making this up.  My mom went and competed in the Moderately Brisk, Reasonable Distance Walk event, while my dad ultimately refused to participate because a) he was too injured to compete in tennis, his preferred event; and b) he felt the idea of walking a reasonable distance against ninety year olds, at a moderately brisk pace to be beneath him.  This caused some friction between my parents, I can tell you, but I think they’ve worked it out.

Supposedly they were greeted at the registration table by one of the main sponsors of the Games: a crematorium.  Again, I’m not making this up.  One of their friends also managed to pick up this very handy deck of cards, which – while nowhere NEAR this deck of cards – is still pretty funny.  Finally bridge playing old ladies will take the important life saving steps they would otherwise have never figured out to, for example, save themselves from a fiery death.  Yes!  Enjoy.

Listen up! Don’t just call your grandchildren for advice in this situation, take action!

Ohhhhhhh… I thought we were supposed to write the Sheriff a letter

Pssh, what if you’re on fire?

So no torches, because that could lead you back to rolling around on fire.

Posted in: The Obscure